Today’s post is going to be a little different from the rest. In this post I hope YOU as readers and commenters will share stories of cool ways a gal can show her guy some love — both large and small.
These can be things you as a woman have done for your man that he seemed to really like, or things women have done for you as a man that made you feel especially loved. Also they can be stories of things you have seen others do that you thought were cool, or even things you wish someone would do, but hasn’t.
In short anything is fair game! The idea is to give the ladies following along some ideas for ways they can show their man more love, appreciation, and respect and take some positive steps toward crafting a happier relationship/marriage.
On yesterday’s post, commenter ballista74 shared a link to a blog post at his place I wanted to call attention to. You can find that post here, it is part of a longer series, all well worth reading to help you understand the sexual/marriage market we find ourselves navigating today, how it has changed, and why that’s not working out so great.
He shared a graphic that really breaks it all down, how the path from meeting someone to marriage, even for traditional marriage-minded folks, has all but disappeared with no clear path to take its place. I hope he will not mind me reposting it here:
Thing is ladies, it’s kind of like that old saying, “If you don’t know where you are going, any path will get you there.”
Instead of following the other mating lemmings off the cliff and hoping the fire department has put out a crash pad at the bottom to save you, I’d highly suggest gals absolutely define what they want, and then come up with a solid strategy for getting there.
??? + somehow does not = (courtship) marriage.
Hanging out/hooking up does not reliably = marriage.
My advice? Don’t play the lotto with your life and future. Have a plan. Work your plan.
I think ballista74 has hit the nail on the head. What do you think?
In dating advice today, women are often told to date more than one guy at a time as a way to prevent getting too attached to any one guy until he gets attached to her.
I’d say it’s bad advice. Why? Because I have heard guys in the manosphere say so over and over again.
For one, men value loyalty. A high quality guy who finds out you have several other irons in the fire is more likely to move on than engage in some silly bidding war for your affection. Why should he? Next!
Two, women may be projecting here. Thanks to a concept called “preselection” women will often be more attracted to a man who is with another attractive woman. Personally, I consider any guy with another gal off limits, but Red Pill field studies show this often works in a man’s favor. Why? Women assume (perhaps wrongly) that other women have done the due diligence and so it’s a form of subliminal shorthand to indicate a guy is high value. However, men say the reverse is not true for women.
Three, men don’t share well. If he’s OK with you dating (and especially sleeping with) other guys while you are dating (and/or sleeping with) him, he’s already determined he will not commit to you — ever. Even if he has not said it. Even if he denies it.
Four, it invites drama and games. Men don’t like drama and games.
Five, it triggers an ancient and long held fear in men of being cuckholded — that should you get pregnant, the baby might not be his. Women don’t have to worry a baby “might not be hers” so women don’t really understand how deeply ingrained and visceral this repulsion is in men.
Six, men who tolerate women dating other guys often do so because they are themselves seeing multiple women. Plus, if you are busy with other guys, that gives him time to seek out other women! Is this really what you want?
Seven, there’s a reason there is historical precedence of a man having more than one wife, but there is not the reverse. Why? Because while a man can reproduce simultaneously with as many women (and their wombs) as he can manage, women can only be pregnant with one child at a time, so there is no biological advantage for him of you having more than one mate. Today, with birth control, sex and babies may not be as tightly connected but our brains are still wired the same as 1000 years ago.
Eight, it puts you in the “not marriage material” camp. No guy wants to marry the town bicycle, as the old saying goes. When it comes to settling down, even in these “modern times” guys truly care about this — men prefer women who have had fewer sexual (or better yet no) partners over more — no matter what your gal pals tell you.
Nine, it likely will cloud your judgement as far as any one guy. Be honest — are you dating multiple guys because it’s a way to psychologically deal with the fact that one of those guys (the one you REALLY want) won’t commit to YOU? Are you dragging out something you yourself really should close the door on? Better to date one guy at a time, both of you make a decision one way or the other if it’s possibly going to progress or not by date three or so, and act accordingly. Don’t drag this out.
Ten, guys just don’t like it. High quality men especially won’t tolerate it. Don’t you want a high quality man rather than one who is too timid to draw the line in fear of losing you?
The “date multiple guys at a time” advice is just another example of women thinking they can act and behave like (Alpha) men. It doesn’t work that way, especially with Alpha men.
What do you think? Is dating multiple guys at a time good, in your opinion? Why or why not? Do you have stories of it working out well? Badly? Please share in the comments.
(Usual disclaimer, not all men are like that, not all women are like that. These are generalizations that apply “most of the time.”)
In the last post, the topic of respect came up in the comments, revealing some differences between how men and women view respect, and it was interesting for me to ponder both sides of the coin. And in many ways they are somewhat two sides of the same coin.
The men explained that respect between men is not automatic, it must be earned. Something like this:
Or
Women tend to view respect as a basic starting point of interaction, more like this:
Or:
In my eyes, neither viewpoint is “wrong” so much as they are a reflection of how differently the male and female minds work.
Men and especially groups of men seem to automatically think in hierarchies. In a room full of men, it is immediately clear to all of them (without anyone even saying so) where they all “rank” so to speak in the order of males in the room. Seemingly subconsciously, the Alpha Male of the Group (AMOG) emerges, and the rest fall in line accordingly. There may be some posturing to establish this, but it ends relatively quickly (or if not, it’s likely they will spar verbally, physically, or both.) There is no debate. There is no discussion. There is no consensus. There is no vote. It’s not even necessarily seen as negative or a slam on the individual man based on where he ranks. Each man simply understands and *automatically accepts* his place in the order. Men who do not are usually ostracized from the group and considered dangerous or a threat to safety and order of the whole. Men who do not understand this hierarchy concept are generally not respected by other men.
Women, and especially groups of women, do not think like that at all. Women are all about consensus, inclusion, and making sure everyone feels OK and heard. Respect seems to be more about acceptance than rank in the female mind. Women will go to all sorts of lengths to dance around the idea of rank or hierarchy. Women like flat hierarchy and equality. Women often rebel against the idea of a vertical hierarchy, and tend to see it as “unfair.” (This is likely the line of thinking that lead to feminism, interestingly.)
Of course I am being admittedly heteronormative and general here — there are indeed men who view respect more like women and women who view respect more like men, but in the vast majority of cases I think one will find the ideas above apply.
I find it interesting to ponder how these two differing views of respect (both valid) may lead to all sorts of misunderstandings between men and women.
What do you think? How do you define respect? Please share your thoughts, experiences, examples, etc. in the comments.
In a comment on yesterday’s Alpha or beta post, commenter Ton once again brings up a post-worthy point that how male/female dynamics SHOULD work (or we are all told they work) and how they DO work are two very different things.
He says:
“If chicks grooved on the sort of guys men like and respect, betas would be held in high regard and there would be no man-o-sphere; if chicks fucked dudes who did limp shit like hand out 900 flowers, betas would be popular with chicks and there would be no man-o-sphere.”
The fact that we are here, discussing things like why chicks dig bad boys while good guys sit home alone or how women are constantly wondering where all the good guys have gone and/or chasing players means, well, he does have a point there.
Ton often refers to this very observable phenomenon as, “adjusting to the tactical reality on the ground.” Or in other words, it ain’t the 1950’s anymore.
For the men, the takeaway point is that blue pill “good guys” often finish last. Not that it means one needs to be a bad guy, but that good guys might want to examine the tactical reality on the ground and act accordingly. Or simply go his own way and craft a life not centered on a woman, whether that means forgoing them entirely or forgetting about the whole love-marriage-baby carriage script and crafting a relationship that works for him.
Ton, for example, is a new father as well as the dad of two grown kids. He’s not married to the latest arrival’s mom though, having been down that road before and still paying the alimony for it. Instead he insisted on NOT marrying. That way if she bails, she at least does not also bail with half (or more) of his financial assets, and paternity laws still guarantee him all the same rights to his child, or more, than as if they married. Without the incentive to divorce-rape him for cash and prizes, perhaps she’ll be more motivated to stick around and work things out (and retain access to the assets/protection/goodies Ton offers so long as she does.) He has another girlfriend as well, a non-traditional poly lifestyle they all knew they were getting into up front and everyone was on board with. Let’s call it the, “more the merrier” approach. Girl #2 may be having Ton spawn #4 this year if all goes as planned. It seems to be working for them. (Both girls are 20+ years younger than his 45 years old, as well.) This is how Ton has decided to face the “tactical reality on the ground” and while it may not work for some men, it seems to work for him. And for him, defining his own path as a man, that’s what matters.
For the ladies, I think this “adjusting to the tactical reality on the ground” might look something like this: she realizes that most girls are playing a losing game by chasing the bad boys/false alphas so she consciously seeks a guy that not only she is attracted to, but who is the kind of man other men admire as well (a true alpha/greater beta.) Rather than chase the players, she seeks a keeper, but at the same time (and this is KEY) she seeks one who she is actually attracted to above and beyond simply for provision and protection, thus avoiding setting them both up for a future falling out when he “just doesn’t do it for her” anymore. (It’s not OK to use people, ladies, and it doesn’t work out long term for anyone, yourself included.) For most women, marriage is ultimately the best position she can hope to be in, especially if children are involved. (Some women are also choosing to forgo marriage, so long as that is a conscious decision and she is not expecting the taxpayers to provide and protect for her, I see no harm in this either.)
But wait…that’s a contradiction, right? It’s a disadvantage for a man to marry, but an advantage for a woman to?
Yep. The two sexes have always had different agendas. That’s part of the complexity. Coming up with something that works for both, perhaps a deal where nobody is totally happy or gets everything they want, but everyone gets enough of what they want, based on the tactical reality on the ground, is the sweet spot?
In the fine tradition of Red Pill shiv master Chateau Heartiste, today we will play a little game called Alpha or beta?
The idea is to access, from subtle body language tells in photos, if a guy is Alpha or beta.
Today’s candidate comes to us via frequent commenter Ton, who shared a news article on the Alpha/beta handing out a flower to each and every girl (900 of them) in his high school for Valentine’s Day.
Ton writes:
“Here’s a guy who will never be laid; maybe he should pack up and move to that yankee city with the platonic cuddle clubs.”
So, like the girl I am, I immediately visited the Alpha/beta’s Facebook page to snoop and found some photos of him and the ladies. From this, I am not so sure his grand gesture has not made him a hypergamy target in the small fickle pond that is his high school. (Utah, need I say more?)
I replied:
“@ Ton I dunno, rose boy seems to have a blonde hottie admirer, click thru to his Facebook!”
In typical Ton fashion, he replies:
“As if likes of FaceBook etc equals being balls deep in said hottie?”
So, dear readers, let’s have a look. What do you think — Alpha or beta? Let us know in the comments, and why you think so.
And with his previous girlfriend (also a looker, I’d say. Possibly blondie before coloring her hair, although to me blondie looks to be a natural blond? Hard to say.)
In my daily round, I often look for that “teachable moment” to share some Red Pill thinking. I never say the term “Red Pill” nor do I explicitly give direct advice. Rather, I find it works a lot better to slip it in during a normal conversation, hopefully planting a seed that will take root. It’s amazing how often people seize upon that alternate Red Pill point of view like a person lost in the desert rejoices to find water.
For example, when gal pals or female colleagues complain and moan about their husbands or talk about frivorce, instead of commiserating, validating, or giving them the typical “you go girl” advice, I will will take the husband’s side, play devils advocate, or tell stories of other women who took the frivorce path and ended up much worse off for it. I urge them to focus on what they can do to make it better, not what their husband’s need to do.
Likewise, when other single women bemoan that there are “no good men” I will point out the many very real risks men face in today’s gynocentric culture and why they might be (rightly) hesitant to commit. Or if I know enough about her approach to men and dating, I again might tell a “story” to illustrate a mistake she’s making (entitlement, solopism, not bringing one’s girl game, etc) in hopes she will get the message and make some much needed changes to her attitude and approach.
Most importantly, I look for these moments with my two kids. My hope is that unlike most girls, they will not buy into the current social dogma, but be both inoculated against it and enlightened about its shortcomings. For example, I look for opportunities to reinforce that they are not victims, that gender is not a social construct, that its OK to be unabashedly feminine and female, that social justice warriors weaken the rights of all rather than protect them, that they don’t need to “explore their sexuality” as teens/young women with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, that to be a wife and mother is not a “waste of their lives,” that self actualization and old fashioned hard work is the path to success not entitlement, and so on.
Of course sometimes these seeds fall upon fallow ground, but it is exciting when I do see them take root. Similar to when I stumbled across the Red Pill myself and the light clicked on, a lot of people simply don’t know what they don’t know and they aren’t going to find it in the main stream media.
While you go about your day, keep an eye open for those teachable moments. Who knows you might save a marriage, prevent a heartbreak, or steer a little girl away from a lifetime of confusion and misery. It’s worth a shot. After all if we aren’t here to leave the world a better place than we found it and to touch the lives of others in a positive way, why are we here?
I just have to share this picture and link to an adorable Valentine’s Day lunch box commenter and fellow blogger (blogess?) superslaviswife made for her hubby:
(Hope she doesn’t mind me sharing that!)
Now while he may have downplayed it to the guys at work, I bet the bank he was the envy of his peers!
That’s awesome superslaviswife, great example about how Valentine’s Day isn’t just for GETTING, it’s for GIVING!
“From the standpoint of a bear, I can’t understand how or why humans make things so complicated.”
Good question, fuzziewuzziebear!
He adds:
“The video is G rated. Bears aren’t terribly good at kissing.”
And ladies, this bear seems to know how to use her feminine wiles to full advantage! Until the remote control airplane shows up and distracts the object of her affections, anyway (men!)
Happy Valentine’s Day to all you Red Pill folks! May it be complication-free!
A commenter on a Red Pill blog I used to follow (Just Four Guys, which unfortunately is no longer online) once said something I think is an idea worth sharing, and one not shared nearly enough.
He told the tale of twice being on the verge of proposing, and twice changing his mind after having this conversation with his potential life mates:
Him:What are you looking for in a relationship/marriage?
Her:(She easily comes up with a long list of must have attributes, ways the relationship/marriage would benefit her, what she would expect from him, etc.)
Him:And what would you bring?
Her:(Blank confused stare, crickets…)
In both cases, he realized that she had not given any thought, not even in passing, about what she would BRING to a relationship, simply what she would GET from a relationship. And for him, that was a deal breaker.
So ladies, take heed. Next time you find yourself making a list of what HE needs to do, be, give, etc. (which by the way, often leads to feelings of unhappiness, lack, and dissatisfaction if you are making that list about a current partner, much less a dream one) try switching it up and thinking about what YOU could do, be, and give instead.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 