Be A Helpmate

Something that has fallen out of fashion but I feel is long overdue to return is the concept of women being a helpmate in a relationship.

Woah, woah, I know it’s taboo but just hang with me a bit. I am not talking about the short end of some stick, or oppression, or misogyny. Being a helpmate doesn’t mean being a doormat.

Today’s relationship model promotes equality or even female dominance rather than the helpmate idea. However as I look around in real life, I am not seeing that working out so well. Divorces and broken families (or never being an official family at all but just shacking up or baby momma-ing it) have become the new normal. How’s that working out? Are women (and men and children) happier for it?

Consider the helpmate model, instead. In this structure the female willingly allows her man to take the lead in the public sphere, supporting his career and life goals. Her focus is the home sphere, keeping her family well fed, clothed, and cared for.

Maybe another way to look at it is yin/yang. The couple agrees to divide and conquer the tasks of life together. The needs and success of the whole supersedes the individuals.

Does being a helpmate mean he’ll never fall short, make mistakes, fail, or lead in the wrong direction? No. Because sometimes he will. But when he does, the helpmate helps, she doesnt berate or attack. She doesn’t point it out to others. She doesn’t hold a grudge. She forgives and forgets. She understands that her goal is to build him up, not to tear him down.

Imagine a relationship where by handing over the captains chair and standing by to assist as first mate everyone wins. Peacefully, cooperatively, lovingly. No drama, no fighting, no power struggle. Ahhhh.

I hope it catches on and becomes a new trend, myself! To helpmates!

Let those who have ears hear.

Don’t S#it Test

There’s a red pill concept called the shit test, or fitness test if you prefer, which is when women pick fights with their men in an attempt to see if he will push back on her. If he does, she will feel satisfied that he is a fit protector, if he caves she will lose trust that if push came to shove he would defend her. Men who are unaware of this  dynamic often cave in an attempt to make her happy, which actually does the opposite and leads to further shit testing. Unchecked, it can really get out of hand, and she turns into a harpy, unhaaaaapy, wench. It’s a very backward thing, and very destructive to a relationship. Just don’t.  Or perhaps more realistically bc it’s just something women seem to do, at least be aware of this and do your best not to. It is a sure fire way to destroy your own happiness and your family.  Build your man up, don’t tear him down.

This post is dedicated to a gal who has done this so much and so often I can hardly stand listening to it anymore. I can only imagine how her husband feels. Don’t be like her. Just don’t.

Let those who have ears hear.

The Exception is Not the Norm

Something I have seen come up in red pill discussions more than once is how the exception is not the norm.

It’s a good point to ponder, as it seems many of the causes, social movements, and just outright over regulation today are being caused by thinking things are “happening all the time” when in reality those things are happening in less than 3 percent of such situations.

Take rape, for example. Don’t get me wrong, I think we all agree rape is wrong and should be reported to the police so it can be investigated, charges filed, a fair trial held, and then imprisonment of said rapists if found guilty, for the good of society. The victim should also get counseling or help rebuilding his or her life. (Yep, men get raped too.)

mi don’t really see a huge pro-rape movement that needs huge pushback. I think most if not all people (besides rapists) get that rape is not ok.

But somehow, despite statistics that show the incidents of rape have been declining for years, on campus after college campus you’d think every guy attending is a rapist. There are regulations and policies to the absurd to deal with the phantom issue. Girls are counseled to see nearly everything as rape. “Omg a guy I don’t like is looking at me. Eye raaaape.” Etc.

There are numerous other equally taboo-to-call out examples where something that affects a very very small percentage of society is for some reason thrust front and center, the hip cause du jour. And God help you if you disagree in public. These sacred “causes” are practically untouchable.

But the sad thing is, or maybe it’s intentional, so much energy and attention is being directed to these types of issues that the issues that affect the majority of us, you know like jobs, the economy, individual freedoms and rights, politics, the law, the future stability of our country and the world, well they are backburner if discussed at all.

Coinky dink?

The red Pill isn’t just about seeing reality in gender dynamics or about sex, it’s about reality in general and seeing the world that IS, not the world we wish/want/imagine/deny it to be.

Let those who have ears hear.

The Wall Gets Us All

The other day a post at Chateau Heartiste comparing the femininity of movie icons then and now got me to thinking about the beautiful Grace Kelly, which of course lead to a web search which led to the idea for this post.

But let me back up a bit, there is a red pill concept called “The Wall” which basically means the point at which a woman goes from young and attractive to not so much. At what age this happens varies by the woman, with some unfortunate ones hitting the wall in their mid to late 20s (usually due to hard living or bad luck genetics) while others may be nearly 50 before doing so (rare.)

What is taboo to say in society today (but women should know) is that a woman’s most valuable assets are her beauty and youth, not her education, money, or career (that would be men.) But many women today are putting off marriage to focus on education and career over family, not knowing they are literally missing their most potent years for securing her best possible mate. Only to realize at 35, the best men are mostly long gone and those left are shopping for a gal 10 years younger.

Post wall, women who find themselves single have a very high odds of staying so for life. Married women who are happily so will benefit from “wife goggles” which is a term that means her husband’s love blinds him to how his wife is aging and he still sees her as in her youth. You want those wife goggles firmly in place prior to the wall.

But back to Grace Kelly and her kin to illustrate this concept visually:

Grace Kelly got lucky with the wall

Her daughters Caroline and Stephanie, not so much (beware a heavy smoking, tanning, and a party lifestyle!)

Ouch. See what I mean? And these women are mega millionaire princesses. Even they cannot avoid the wall.

Now consider Caroline’s daughter Charlotte, now at the peak of her feminine power, consider her options for a mate right now.

She too will someday encounter the wall but for now she is in her absolute glory. As they say, don’t waste the pretty.

Don’t spend your best years in go nowhere relationships “experimenting” with stuff. If you do, you will miss the window to secure the best possible mate and future. Choose wisely. Treasure him and treat him well and he will do so for you. And be pleasant and have some domestic skills, too. Men like a daily supply of good food and clean socks almost as much as hot sex! Men who get all three? Happily married they be!

Let those who have ears hear.

Are All Women Like That?

There’s an acronym in red pill speak AWALT which is short for “all women are like that” in reference to the idea that all women have a certain set of operating principles that drive female behavior.

Often women who comment on red pill blogs will reject this idea and say NAWALT, short for “Not all women are like that.” Sometimes male bloggers will acknowledge the feelings of female readers with the NAWALT disclaimer, or it will be said to keep female readers from taking the red pill discussion or concepts too personally, which can right quick derail any productive inter-gender discussion.

A less often seen version is EWALT or “enough women are like that” which means enough women prove the rule to make the general assumption valid.

So are AWLT? Even me? The longer I honestly examine myself and women around me the more I have to admit yes, AWALT. Even if they won’t admit, can’t admit, or wish they were not. Like it or not, AWALT. Yep. Even me.

It’s called the female imperative, and it is deeply ingrained in all women and it is what makes women different from men.

TRIGGER WARNING:

And yes, women are different from men on almost every level (right down to each and every cell, even) because the experience, upsides, and downsides and all the rest of being a woman are totally different than those of a man. Women and men are not the same, not at all.

If it helps any, men have their own imperative which means AMALT.

The rules of society, largely jettisoned about 40 years ago, were what kept a cap on both gender’s imperatives. Or as they say, nobody got everything they wanted but everybody got some of what they wanted, and it was enough of a give and take that it was largely pretty functional and stable.

That world no longer exists, except in remote pockets of closed off religious sects. For the rest of us that means hell in a hand basket, a new world order, and almost everything you have been told is true or the way it works is not anymore, which btw isn’t working very well. (Don’t believe me? Just look around.)

Yep AWALT and AMALT. Society has subverted these truths but that has not changed them.

Don’t blame me, I didn’t design men or women, nor was I involved in the decision to radically change “the way it works” in what was perhaps the biggest social experiment of all time. (Thanks “Me” Generation! Said sarcastically.)

Like you, I am (as one manosphereian so aptly put it) simply sorting through the wreckage. Sorry if I am the first to deliver the news.

We can’t choose our imperative directives, or society, but hopefully on an individual level at least, we can recognize this and try to transcend the worst of our natural tendencies and to nurture the best rather than to be blindly driven around by them. Like it used to be.

Or not (See Miley Cyrus.)

Let those who have ears hear.

Know Why You Are Dating

Tags

attraction, bad boys, battle of the sexes, casual sex, celibacy, commitment, courtship, dating, marriage, red pill, relationships

Do you know why you are dating? It seems like a simple question, but surprisingly it’s not.

Let me explain. At one time people dated as a way to meet their future spouse. Dates were focused more on establishing if it was a match than on the activity. Dating was supervised and approved of by a girl’s family members.

Today there is an aimlessness to dating, as if it is an endless exploration with no real goal or objective. People avoid topics like commitment or marriage because they don’t want to “spoil the mood.”

Often, sexual intimacy proceeds commitment or attachment as well, if there is any discussion of a relationship at all. It’s entirely backwards from how things worked in the past when sex came after attachment and commitment rather than before. Sometimes sex is used as a type of tool by women, in hopes sex will lead to attachment or commitment.

It would be wise for women today to approach dating more like it was done in the past. To view it as a way to find one’s life mate and to sort accordingly rather quickly, rather than to date aimlessly and/or haphazardly just for the “fun” of it. Don’t make the mistake of spending time with Mr. Wrong(s) in place of seeking Mr. Right.

If you aren’t ready for or wanting marriage, consider not dating at all and spend the time and energy on other pursuits rather than dating for dating sake.

What do you think?

Beware Self-Imposed Drama

Tags

alpha male, attraction, bad boys, battle of the sexes, beauty, beta, blue pill, break up, break ups, casual sex, commitment, crisis, dating, divorce, drama

As I listened to my former neighbor describe her continually messed up love life, it suddenly occurred to me how she was really the one creating all this angst.

Now if you asked her, she’d swear up and down that she’s the victim here, “they” are doing all this to her.

For a long time I bought it too. After all she’s so convincing in her blameless tales of woe. I used to empathize with her bad luck. But post red pill awareness, it’s abundantly clear that she’s an active participant in creating all of her troubles.

For example if ever there has been a plate spinner, it’s her. She’s always got two or three guys she “can’t decide between” on the line, then rotates in a few random encounters here and there to boot.

Naturally, the men in these tales are not so into that, and drama ensues. Oddly (or according to the red pill maybe not oddly at all) the only one who she has it bad for is the one who blows her off and who seems to care less what she’s doing as long as she’s available when he wants her. Which is about every three months.

I hate to say it but she pretty much confirms almost every red pill cliche in the book: AF/BB, opportunistic love, bad boys over good guys, etc.

How does she get away with it? Well for now she’s still young(ish) and very attractive. I fear someday she will be the 50-some lady sitting at the bar wondering where have all the good men gone?

And if that happens, I suppose she’ll have nobody but herself and her disastrous self-sabotaging choices to blame.

Or maybe by then she’ll be reaping the seeds she’s planted when her own two daughters she’s dragged along for the ride become teens and start creating self-imposed drama themselves? I sure hope not.

Lately when she starts talking about all her troubles, I have been dropping in tidbits of red pill wisdom. She actually latches on to these little nuggets, surprisingly, and is quite interested. Which leads me to believe she’s really not that conscious of the self-destructive, no-win cycle she is creating, or how to break out of it. Hopefully in time that light will click on. In the meantime, she seems to be giving the Kardashian’s a run for their money in the drama department.

Here’s an idea: When tempted to indulge in something you know you should not, try asking yourself my go-to drama busting question, “Isn’t my life already complicated enough?” Chances are it is, all on its own. No additional drama necessary!

Let those who have ears hear.

The More Kids, The Better?!?!?

Tags

abundance, birth control, career woman, children, co-parenting, parenting, red pill, SAHM, single parenting, stay at home mom

Last night I had a friend, her two daughters, and her two nieces over for a BBQ and I realized something very strange — somehow six kids are a lot easier than two!

Let me explain, I have a 10-year-old and a 4-year-old. She has a 10-year-old and a 7-year-old. Her sister-in-law’s kids are 7 and 4. So just by chance, for once, everyone had a playmate! And so play they did, not one bit of whining, complaining, or “I’m bored” to be heard, for hours. But there was a lot of happy little girl ear piercing screeching, laughter, and frivolity!

My friend and I got to simply sit and relax, a rare occasion for us both. That’s when it struck me — more kids are somehow easier than few.

My babysitter, who I have talked about before, is part of a very traditional old Scandinavian religious group similar to Amish. The women do not practice birth control, as a result a child arrives every year or so once they marry until they can’t have any more. Every child is considered a blessing. Families are large, 13 children is not unusual.

For these women, life is basically one big play date. They get together, visit, and their children happily run about. Last night I understood why these women are all pretty happy and content, their children are exceedingly well behaved, and how and why it works.

I was sharing this observation with a friend who is more of a math and science type. As he put it, what I was experiencing was called chaos theory — a complex system that organizes itself.

So on those days when your children are on our last nerve, try adding on a few more! It works shockingly well.  Short of that, head for a park or somewhere there will be other children around, bring a book, and enjoy the peace and quiet for a change!

Let those who have ears hear.

(And for those tough parenting moments where you just need a good laugh, I highly recommend this blog, Underdaddy. You will be howling in laughter about the absurdity of having children in no time, guaranteed! Enjoy!)

Choose to be Content

It is not often Yoda’s other half writes a blog, but it is worth reading when she does! Enjoy!

Let those who have ears hear…

Spawny's Space

Mrs. Yoda has graciously accepted an invitation to do a guest post.

Choices a big part of life they are.  Affect the present and the future they do.  But many creatures consider choices not.  An improvement in life by improving decision making very possible it is.  Of particular importance is that creatures choose happiness and contentment not.  Odd this would be.  Females seem to be afflicted strongly they are (but males afflicted also they would be).   Examples follow they do,

1. Always want more one does (and obsess they might)

2. Never forgive or forget some might

3. Be happy being unhappy some do (but not really happy they are)

4.  Selfish attitude ingrained it is (e.g. they make sammiches not)

Degoba a large swamp it is.  And life always easy it is not.  But non-obvious beauty there is.  Enjoy this planet I do.  And Yoda and I many pleasant…

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Female Fertility Does Have a “Use By” Date

Tags

biological clock, birth control, children, co-parenting, divorce, fertility, in vitro, infertility, marriage, parenting, pregnancy, red pill, reproduction

Female fertility is often a taboo topic, but I think it’s one that needs to be discussed more openly and honestly than it is currently. So I am going to take the risk and talk about this important topic in the interest of freedom of information.

In addition to writing this blog, I have spent the last 20+ years working as a writer and editor, mostly covering the health and medical beat. Fertility, infertility, women’s reproductive health, birth control, and the like are topics I have covered many times.

Something that is often not said is that female fertility starts to decline, and dramatically so, around age 35. But with so many women being encouraged to put career before babies, the message they are often told is “there’s always time for that.”

Well, three dear friends of mine have found out the hard way that’s simply not true. All waited to around age 38 to get started with baby making, only to find even with all the help medical science had to offer, it just wasn’t meant to be. All were devastated by this fact. And all said, “Why didn’t someone tell me?”

It’s because of what I watched them go through that I am telling you this now.

But celebrities are having babies left and right at age 45 plus, right? Yes, some do. But not without a lot of help, and possibly a surrogate, or donor eggs, or adoption.

The truth is, after age 40 even the most advanced infertility procedure — in vitro — where sperm and egg meet outside of the body and are implanted at just the right moment — has about a 2 percent success rate (after age 40.)

Even if a woman freezes her eggs while younger, the success rates of the in vitro procedure are not increased. The hormonal mix after age 40 is hit and miss.

For some women, it indeed is no problem. In fact, after the age of 40 is the second most common time for a woman to have an unplanned pregnancy, resulting in “change of life babies” who are born to moms who think they don’t have to worry about birth control measures anymore.

I had my own children at the age of 33 and 40, both conceived within three months of deciding to try. I think a lot of that was due to both my in depth knowledge of how it works, and also just plain old good luck.

Maybe it is TMI, but I have always had very regular cycles and I have never had some of the the gyn issues that some women struggle with, such as endometriosis, fibroids, pelvic inflammatory disease, STD’s, or other factors that can greatly impact fertility. For women who do have these issues, timing is even more critical as their fertility can be severely compromised even by their mid 20s.

If you want a family, may I suggest another path? Have your children young and start you career in your 40s, rather than the more promoted path of having a career in your 20s and 30s and starting a family at 40.

I would not wish upon anyone the heartbreak and disappointment I have watched my friends go though. They just didn’t know, and nobody ever told them this. That’s why I am telling you this now. Infertility is not something I would wish on anyone, and it is a very private and deep pain.

Of my three friends (and their husbands), one has adopted two little girls, one has decided to stop trying infertility treatments and to accept her DINK lifestyle and focus on being thankful she has her wonderful husband to share her life with, and the third is right now undergoing what will likely be the final attempts. I know all would give almost anything for things to have turned out differently and for the third, I still hope that they will.

Doing different is not always easy, but sometimes it is the best path. There are challenges of parenting at any age, so I am not sure the advice to put off babies until one is in her late 30s for financial and career reasons is sound advice. I got lucky. And I am glad that I did. But just because it worked out that way for me, is no guarantee it will for others.

After watching what my friends have gone through, it’s not a risk I would advise someone talking unless they are 100 percent ok with the possibility that it may never happen at all.

(And btw, I am in no way endorsing teen pregnancy or that women have babies when they are not in a lifetime relationship. If it happens, by all means make the best of it, but to do so on purpose is just as unwise as waiting until age 47 to start trying.)