The Lunacy of Safe Spaces

Are you familiar with the concept of “safe spaces?” On the surface they certainly don’t sound harmful, but they actually are a threat to the very ideals our country holds so dear.

Safe spaces are areas set aside where supposedly grown adult college students retreat to so they aren’t exposed to any alternate point of view or type of person they disagree with.

Rather than realize the world is filled with all sorts of people and that dealing with that is part of life, they demand “someone” (usually the university) protect them from alternate points of view.

When I was in college this world was only beginning to take shape. There were hints of this new order to come but it hadn’t gained full momentum. Freedom of thought, freedom of expression, and open spirited debate were fully encouraged. Such activities lead to thinking, discussion, and the consideration of alternate viewpoints.

It was kind of the point of college, in fact, to teach students to be future leaders, to break them away from the drone group think model they had been exposed to in high school intended to prepare the to be good little cogs in the machine.

Safe spaces are unsafe to the ideals of freedom.  It’s akin to the conditions that eventually lead to incidents like The Salem Witch Trials.

Safe space seekers, I challenge you to challenge yourselves. Go out in the world and expose yourself to people who are radically different from you. Debate and discuss. Endure alternate viewpoints. You can do this snowflake, I know you can.

Our nation needs leaders who don’t require safe spaces and censorship. So stop being a baby, put on the big kid pants, and get out there. Chances are you’ll find a lot of what you are afraid of are simply boogey- people of your own imagination.

Let those who have ears hear.

 

 

Did Your Mom Tell You This?

Did your mom ever talk to you about blackouts?

Blackouts are caused by drinking too much, too fast, or on an empty stomach. And while many people think only hardcore alcoholics have them, a recent study found half of all students reported having had one or more during the college years.

Blacking out is different than passing out, and despite what many people assume you may not appear drunk to yourself or others. You could in fact be walking around, carrying on perfectly charming conversations, and acting much like your usual self.

Ironically it’s when people drink more slowly for a longer period that they appear “sloppy drunk” not necessarily when they are blacked out.

And it depends more on what you are drinking, when you ate last, and how quickly you down drinks back to back that determines a blackout  than the total number of drinks you have. It can happen after as few as three drinks quickly downed on an empty stomach.

There is much attention placed on consent laws as a way to reduce the numbers of sexual assault allegations. But I’m writing this to the ladies in the room: women can’t just assume others will know they have had too much to drink, especially in a blackout situation where you may appear completely coherent and even give full consent at the time. Even those closest to you may not realize your lights are on but nobody’s home.

The best way to protect yourself, and others, is to avoid drinking patterns that could lead to a blackout. Make sure you always eat before drinking alcohol (eating later won’t help), pace your drinks rather than drinking several quickly back to back, avoid drinking games at parties, and opt for weaker drinks over stiff ones.

Your mom may not have told you this, or maybe your mom won’t talk about about drinking at all, so I will. It’s a lot easier and more common than is openly discussed to blackout when drinking, especially if  one is young and not familiar with how they react to alcohol. If you do drink, drink responsibly and safely. Not remembering the party the next day is never a fun experience.

Let those who have ears hear.

Why Women and Combat Don’t Mix

In college, I worked a student-hire job at a small  military base with a special ops unit.

Besides being an awesome job, it also gave me a huge respect for these men who had said, “Hell yeah” when asked how they felt about being dropped behind enemy lines in the most dangerous places on the planet without any guaranteed ride home.

At that time there was a gal on base who wanted to be one of them more than anything. She had one of the most pure spirits I had ever met, and I have no doubt she would have given anything to be among them. But back then, women could not be in combat positions, much less special ops, teams who went in long before there was any official “going in.”

I don’t doubt this gal thought with every fiber of her being that she could and would do the job. She was a fine soldier, no doubt. From what I saw she had no chip on her shoulder, no feminist agenda. She simply saw greatness and wanted to be a part of that.

And yet, when I watched the movie, “Black Hawk Down” I realized why this was not meant to be. As I watched I could not fathom how men could not abandon the weak and the wounded to save themselves.

It is simply in the female genetic code to survive. To survive personally. To submit rather than to die. No matter how logically a woman may think she would not, the reality is she will.

Women can be of huge support to men, including in the military. In fact “to protect their women” even idealogicaly is a large part of why men from time unrecorded have fought and died in battle.

If women want to help, the best way is not to demand they can become special ops soldiers, but instead to be the pin-up who is waiting to welcome him home.

Let those who have ears hear.

27 Ways to Bust Clutter

I have written about Flylady before, but wanted to share this simple but awesome way to bust clutter in 27 ways!

Set the timer for 15 minutes.

Grab a box or a bag and pick up 27 things to donate, or 27 things to throw away.

Smile! Feel the freedom!

Repeat several times a week or daily until the clutter is gone!

Now why didn’t I think of that years ago!

I am not sure how this is Red Pill in any way, except embracing the manifestation of your highest and best self while crafting a wonderful life based on simple truths.

Or something!

Let those who have ears hear!

One and Done

In contrast to yesterday’s post, today I’d like to share the story of a group of women who came to my business last weekend.

The four women were all mid-40s. As they were talking it came out that they had not only all known each other from middle school, all four had gone on to marry their first boyfriends. And all four were still happily married!

So I of course had to ask what they thought of the advice given to young girls today that they need to “explore” rather than settle down young?

All said they didn’t feel they had “missed out” on anything, and one admitted she’s glad she was her husbands one and only sexual partner, and she his. Knowing it was a big relief for her, she said. They had been together since they were 15.

All four talked excitedly about their husbands and children. They were refreshingly positive and drama-free. Instead they seemed to be deeply connected to their partners, kids, and each other as friends.

They were all attractive, multi-faceted women with interests and hobbies, not sheltered Stepford wife types or boring plain Janes whatsoever, nor did they seem to be uptight, closeminded, or overtly religious.  If anything, they were probably some of the coolest and most interesting gals I had met in some time.

It’s rare today to meet couples who are each other’s “one and done.” In fact today, social norms would probably consider it “weird.” But from what I saw, it hadn’t seemed to harm any of those gals, and in fact they seemed remarkably happy and content.

Let those who have ears hear.

Hazards of Herd Following

This morning I stumbled across an article by a 28-year-old girl bemoaning the fact that nobody had put a ring on it. In fact, not even close.

She had tried Internet dating, matchmaking, being picky, not being picky, following “The Rules” and not following the rules. She seemed to get plenty of first and second dates but nothing went far beyond that.

A quick web search revealed the likely reason – article after article chronicling her Sex In The City style exploits throughout her teens and 20s. It was all there for the reading, the “empowering” hook ups, the one night stands, the pump and dump heartbreaks, the “go gurrrl” slut-claiming revelry.

She’d watched Carrie Bradshaw and friends and apparently moved to New York City as soon as she could to live out the script in real life. But unlike in the movies, apparently there’s been no Mr. Big happy ending.

Her excessive selfies over the years reveal the result. At 23 she looks fresh faced. Five years later she’s got the appearance of a washed up party girl who looks like she’s in her late 40’s, not her late 20’s. It’s unclear if she’s a heavy drinker or a herion addict but whatever it is, she’s starting to look a bit like Charles Manson.

Her many articles posted on xojane and other herd mentality sites show she’s steeped in the narrative of the “modern woman.” She’s explored her sexuality and likely profited short term by writing about the “journey.”

But here’s the rub – Google lasts forever. If I found all this in one web search, any man considering dating, much less marrying her would too. And guess what? Women might be ok with other women being sluts, but most guys aren’t. Call it a double standard but it’s a standard that isn’t going away anytime soon. (Plus, the majority of guys aren’t getting that kind of action, anyway. And the ones who are aren’t looking to put a ring on anything.)

Her story illustrates the cost of following the herd, before she was even old enough to realize what she was choosing, she’s pretty much sealed her own fate. At 28, she’s peaked. Even the hook ups are getting harder and harder to find.

Not surprisingly, her more recent selfies feature a new life partner – a cat.

Let those who have ears hear.

Beware What You Let In

Have you ever noticed how watching talk shows or other programs featuring the worst behavior humanity has to offer can put you in a terrible frame of mind yourself?

It’s almost as if emotions are contagious, or can be absorbed from others. For this reason it’s good to beware what you let in, so you don’t sink to the depths of the lowest common denominators yourself.

The same can be said for the people in one’s life. I have to admit I have long had an affinity to folks who are struggling, and I find a lot of satisfaction from trying to help people out. But I have to watch this tendency, so that I don’t get bogged down myself.

And I have come to also realize sometimes people are so toxic and troubled yet hell bent on their ways that it’s best to limit your direct exposure to them altogether and to pray from afar that they will figure things out in time. They are simply too toxic!

Even the news can have this negative affect because mostly news is about what’s going wrong, not what’s going right.

It’s just so much easier to live a positive happy life when you consciously surround yourself with positive and happy people and ideas. And when you yourself are positive and happy, you pass those same emotions on to others!

Let those who have ears hear.

Have A Gratitude Attitude

In a world where many women have been told since childhood that they can “have it all” there’s a very real risk that belief can actually create a lot of unneeded angst.

In reality, everyone can’t have it all. In fact very few (maybe none) do. But if the expectation is that it is not only possible but a given, well even almost everything isn’t enough.

In fact I know more than one woman in real life in this very position. There’s very little their lives lack, yet they are profoundly unhappy (and make the others in their lives profoundly less happy, too!)

The solution is what I call a gratitude attitude. It’s amazing how simply shifting the focus from what is missing back to everything that’s there can instantly turn a bad mood around.

In fact for every one thing that’s going wrong there are likely 10 more things going right. But for some reason the human mind seems hardwired to focus on the flaw in any situation.

Perhaps at one point being able to see the one thing wrong was what made the difference between getting mired in the tar pit or taken out by the saber tooth. Being able to spot what was wrong with the picture made the difference between surviving or not.

But today, at least in the United States and many developed countries, the reality is we experience an abundance on a daily basis that was unimaginable just a few hundred years ago. Even for the then most privileged on earth!

In fact, if you have a place to live with electricity and running water, food in your refrigerator and cupboard, access to modern medical care, and the reasonable right to assume all those things are a given baseline, well you are actually among the most privileged alive even today.

Sure, sometimes things aren’t perfect, and sometimes things even totally suck (like you or someone you love has cancer, for example) but even then chances are there is something, or even lots of things, to be thankful for.

Life is fleeting and precious. Cherish all that’s going right and well, those who love and care for you, and the simple pleasures in life. Doing just that often reveals the happiness that seems lacking.

It’s a lot easier to count your blessings than to eliminate or fix every single thing that’s not quite right.

Focusing on what you’re giving to the world rather than on what you are getting from it cultivates a gratitude attitude, too. Win-win!

Let those who have ears hear.

What Many Women Don’t See

Tags

equality, feminism, male dominance, male privlilege, oppression, patriarchy, red pill, sexism, women's rights

Something I have been pondering lately is what many women don’t see.

To be fair, I didn’t see it myself until running across the manosphere. Now I can’t help but see it everywhere I go.

Men. Doing the hard work that keeps it all going. Men hustling garbage cans from the curb to the truck. Men doing construction in the wet and the cold. Men pumping sewage. Men covered in oil and grime. Men climbing electrical and telephone poles in the middle of storms. Men doing jobs even the most liberated woman doesn’t and wouldn’t even want to do.

We hear so much about male privilege but we rarely hear about this other side, how many more men do the crap jobs, the hard jobs, the ugly jobs, the gory jobs, the dangerous jobs, the boring jobs, the non-glory jobs, the jobs that keep the lights on, the roads paved, and the rats and maggots and filth of living at bay than ever hold the title of CEO.

Then there are the deadly jobs. Men running into buildings that are collapsing and on fire. Men rescuing hikers stuck on a mountain in a blizzard. Men getting dropped out of helicopters in the most dangerous places on earth.

Yes, there are  privileges associated with being a man but there has also always been this other side, the side most women don’t see. The things women don’t have to see, thanks to men.

Women don’t see their own privilege. That nobody is demanding women take these roles, that quotas be filled with an equal number of women garbage collectors, for example. Men have never asked that of women, even of women who at the same time are demanding equality.

So before you say men have it so good, so much better, open your eyes, sisters. Check your own privilege. And start noticing all the things that men do so you and I don’t have to. Are you really so sure you’d want that to change?

Let those who have ears hear.

A Surprising Cause Behind Bratty Kids

A gal I know has been struggling with her teen and pre-teen kids lately. They won’t listen. They disobey. They ignore what she says. They do whatever they want. And they have no qualms about treating her with disrespect, contempt, and open destain.

The other day, after her 14-year-old daughter rolled her eyes, said, “whatever,” stomped off, and slammed the door, her mother once again started to wail that she “just doesn’t know what to do about these kids.”

Like a light clicking on I suddenly saw it, her kids were treating her exactly how she treats her husband!

Yep, a very possible cause behind today’s lack of respect for parents and authority in general could be traced back to the fact that not only do women today want equality (and special rights on top of that) they more and more just want to run the show.

A woman who shows respect for her husband as the leader of their tribe, and who herself defers to his authority is showing her children that life includes heirarchies. That sometimes life isn’t a democracy.

Egads, talk about an unpopular idea these days, everyone not being equal! But it’s simply a fact of life, even for grown ups. The teacher is in charge. The boss is in charge. The police have authority. And if you really want to see something scary, try arguing with a judge.

Not fair that men always get to be the leader, one might say? Well men would tell you they don’t. Men naturally fall into a hierarchy rank in every situation, without them even discussing it. One will be the “alpha” and the rest will follow suit. In most cases it’s situational, a man who is the alpha in one group may not be in another, and so on. It’s not about opression, it’s simply about natural order. Men have always understood this, even they recognize not everyone can be in charge and everyone can’t be equal. It’s just life.

So moms, if you want your kids to listen to and respect you, to follow your lead, and to  avoid run ins with authority in general, the best way to achieve that is to listen to the man in your home and the men in your family, respect their authority, and be a good role model of a cheerful follower yourself.

Yep, I really did just say that!

Let those with ears hear.