Don’t Ride the Carousel

Tags

attraction, battle of the sexes, casual sex, commitment, courtship, dating, hook up, hook up culture, hooking up, hookups, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, romance

There’s a red pill saying called “riding the carousel” which, to put it nicely, means a gal sleeping around, hooking up, and having casual, no strings sex during her teens, 20s, and early 30s.

The first time I heard guys talking abut this in the manosphere, I was shocked how negatively they viewed this behavior, and the women engaging in it. After all this isn’t the 1950s, right?

Well the reality is even guys who are themselves involved in such behavior look down upon gals who are taking a “What’s good for the gander is good for the goose” approach to sex. The higher quality of “catch” a guy was, the less willing they were to consider a woman who had “ridden he carousel” as a serious longterm/lifetime partner.

Like it or not, believe it or not, this is how guys still feel today about all this. Even if they tell you they don’t! Even if they are trying to talk you into going home with them for some hook up fun that very night!

It’s been called lots of things, including a double standard, but it all goes back to biology — a promiscuous female is a cuckhold risk in a man’s eyes. And for a man, being a cuckhold is just about the worst thing one could be. Men have a very strong, visceral reaction to the idea. (Unless they have a cuckhold fetish, and well then that’s just another issue entirely…)

Consider the plays of Shakespeare’s era, all rife with jokes and references to cuckholding – it’s certainly nothing new. No guy wants to be tricked into thinking a child is his when it is not because he’s been with a woman who is “getting around.” (And in case we’ve all forgotten, sex is what leads to babies!)

For women, this is not a concern. After all unless the baby is switched at birth, we know a baby that comes out of our body is “ours” as silly as that sounds. But as couples who have experienced having a baby switched at birth experience, there is something profoundly disturbing and distressing about discovering the baby you thought was yours, really isn’t.

Or if all that makes no sense, think of it this way, when a hot guy wants to hook up or have a short term no strings attached sexual experience with you, he’s not saying it’s because you’re so hot. What he’s really saying is that you meet his minimum threshold for attractiveness, but not his minimum threshold for a long term or serious relationship. What he’s really saying is you aren’t hot enough! Ouch!

But yep, it’s all true. And I know that because I have heard guys say it anonymously online many, many, many times. So don’t kid yourself — and remember, you’re better than that! You deserve a guy who’s all in, not just a guy who just wants to put it in! And the guy who will be all in, he’s worth waiting for (and doesn’t he deserve more from you, too?)

Carousel riding. I would not advise it. Trust me on this one.

But what do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

 

Be Light

Tags

abundance, dating, happiness, love, marriage, positive thinking, red pill, relationships, romance

Commenter Ton brought up a point the other day in response to this post that I would like to elaborate on. He says:

“Remember what men want in a home life? More or less an escape from killing dragons all day.”

This is a point I would do well to remember more myself, and I think is good advice for all women — be light. Be fun. Be carefree. Be joy. Be his escape from the cares and burdens of the world.

Yes there are always things going wrong, and bad things to focus on, and things to complain about, and on and on. And oh how we gals can go on, and on, and on about all that. (Myself included, cringe.)

Here’s a challenge and I am taking it too: Don’t go on and on about those things. Choose to focus on the positive. And yes ladies — it’s a CHOICE.

Ok, sometimes yes, we have to talk about the hard stuff, the bad stuff, the problems. But much of the time, we actually don’t HAVE to, we choose to. It can be a very bad habit to dwell on the black lining in the silver cloud. It can be a very good habit to do the opposite. And habits are just that — repeated behaviors that soon become automatic.

I heard it said once that men take their emotional cues from women, and whatever emotions you put out often influence his own emotions. If so, what better reason to be light, be fun, be happy, and be upbeat than this? Your doing so will lead to his doing so, and life will be all the more happy, fun, and upbeat for it!

Consider:

Scenario #1: Man calls/sees his lady. She goes on and on about everything bad about her day, her job, her life. How does he feel now? (Hint: Bad!) How does he feel about calling/seeing her next time? (Hint: Bad!)

Scenario #2: Man calls/sees his lady. She goes on and on about everything good about her day, her job, her life. How does he feel now? (Hint: Good!) How does he feel about calling/seeing her next time? (Hint: Good!)

See what I mean? So don’t be a Debbie Downer. Just don’t. Do your best to be light, and to bring light into his (and everyone’s) world, too!

What do you think? Please share your thoughts in the comments!

Troll Culture

Tags

America, American, campaign, Chicago, freedom, freedom of speech, freedom to assemble, politics, troll, Trump, violence, violence at rallies

The recent disputes happening at rallies seems to show troll culture has jumped from Cyberspace into the mainstream.

Trolls, in short, are folks who visit an online website, blog, or discussion thread they disagree with, but rather than just stating their points like a rational person, they seem to feel they are on some kind of crusade to disrupt, upset, and dismantle discussions that don’t suit them. They are self-appointed “thought police.” It’s as if other people having their own opinions is simply not allowed, are seen as a personal affront and threat to their own worldview rather than simply as an alternate one.

Imagine if Trump supporters started to attend rallies for his democratic opponents, heckling, destroying candidate signs, trying to jump on stage. Would the press blame the candidates themselves for those actions, or would they place the blame where it belongs — on the agitators who are on some vigilante crusade to “shut down” a legitimate and (like it or not) popular candidate?

Whether or not you or I agree with Trump or not, we should all be very, very disturbed by these events surrounding him, and how he is being blamed for those events rather than the blame being placed on those making their own choices to agitate in the opposing camp and yet expect impunity — or worse — validation or glory even. Not that I am justifying violence, but you don’t poke at a rattlesnake with a stick and then not expect a reaction, do you? What did they think was going to happen?

Because you know what? If troll culture gets a pass, we’ll start seeing it more and more often, like at this rally just moments ago for another presidential candidate!

The solution is not to allow more and safer disruption of people who really should not be there in the first place. We don’t need to protect the trolls, they need to be legally ejected or arrested if they are disruptive. To coddle them will only make things worse.

Whatever happened to agreeing to disagree? How did we get here? How do we get back to something a little more sanity based?

The slow slide of first amendment freedoms, of all personal liberties in fact, we have seen over the past few decades is not a good thing. It is not American. It is not freedom. It is not liberty. It is not justice for all.

Troll culture is not a step forward, it is a big step back.

 

 

The Doctor and His Wife

Tags

attraction, battle of the sexes, blue pill, courtship, dating, gender, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, romance, sex

A couple who frequents my biz offer an interesting Red Pill vingette.

Now I don’t know them well, but they are friendly and with each visit a little more comes out. They are an attractive couple, he is tall and trim, with a bit of an Alan Alda circa M*A*S*H vibe. Not super hot, but not bad looking by any means. She is very natural yet very attractive, wavy brunette hair, striking big green eyes, curvy but not at all fat, athletic and fresh faced, as if she just came from a spirited hike in the woods.

He’s a psychologist, she works for a group that aims to conserve rural land.  They are happy and light and like to crack jokes, poking fun at themselves as well as at the absurdity of the world. They seem very fun.

They often stop in on their way to work out together at the gym, or to go out exploring nature, or some weekend couple’s time activity. Sometimes they bring friends, mostly they come alone.

It’s hard to say how long they have been together, but my gut says not very long. If I had to guess, I would say they met online and have been married less than two years. My guess is they dated for a year or so prior to that based on how they act with each other. They don’t have the “We’ve known each other for ages,” vibe couples seem to get – yet. (I will see if I can find out more of their story next time they stop in.)

They are affectionate, yet reserved. I am not sure I have ever seen them actually touch each other in public, and certainly no PDAs that stand out. Yet they have a definite fondness for each other, with a hint of a paternal vibe. Something tells me they have an active love life.

It can be hard to tell ages, but at their last visit I slipped it into the conversation out of curiosity. He revealed that he is 43, she is 28 (although very poised and not at all immature or girlish, regal almost.) I saw the twinkle in his eye and said, “A perfect age difference,” to which he readily and wholeheartedly agreed.

They are an example of a Red Pill truism, that men tend to hit their highest SMP/MMP mark later in life than a woman, while women tend to sooner. I get the feeling that pre-education/career he was not likely a ladies man, although he is natural enough in conversation. I suspect she’s at the peak of ripeness in her life, although I am sure she will continue to develop and mature with age. However in youthful beauty, she’s right there at the cusp.

They don’t have children together, but he said he does have a 20 year old of his own. They don’t plan to have kids, he announced and she shook her head in agreement. I get the feeling that these two just want to enjoy life and each other. (Although it will be interesting to see what happens as she nears 35 or so, when the maternal urge often seems to kick in full force even in women who have not had it before.)

If you were to chart these two on a graph with each at their SMP/MMP peak, they’d both be there about now, which is exactly what the Red Pill predicts. They are a matched set. I predict a pretty cushy life ahead.

Or in other words ladies, when the Doctor picks his wife, she’s likely going to be younger than he, better looking, and she’ll be quite thrilled with her hypergamous catch.

Ladies, you would not be unwise to start looking for your love match in ernest starting at or before age 25. And it wouldn’t be bad to aim a bit older than yourself, as he’ll likely be more settled and ready to be looking for his match as well compared to someone your own age. To guys her age, she may not stand out or they may still be in casual dating mode, but for a man around 40 she would be a definite score! Not to say people of the same age don’t get together, but when he was scanning profiles of 40 some year old women (likely with added life complications) versus ones of ladies in their mid to late 20s who likely has less relationship baggage, odds are the guy will choose as above.  Had she been tied up with a guy her age who’s not ready to commit, she may have missed him. It’s something to ponder and to set yourself up to win accordingly.

Not to say it can’t happen, but the idea that a gal can wait just like a man can to settle down with an upper shelf guy rarely works out in her favor, while for a man it more than likely can. (Or in other words, would she have married a Doctor at 41? Maybe, maybe not…)

What do you think?

 

Helicopter Neighboring

Tags

America today, freedom, independance, liberty, red pill, sjw, social justice warrior

I have noticed a growing phenomenon in our culture, but I am not sure where it comes from — people calling the authorities to report or “tattle” on others.

For example, I live in a rural are where it is OK to burn tree limbs and such as long as there isn’t a burn ban and you have a permit from the fire department. Despite this, and my having a permit, hose, and shovel all right there as required, almost without fail every time I light my burn pile, it seems some “do gooder” driving by picks up their cell phone and reports it to 911.

This triggers a visit from the local fire department, who then see that I have the permit, shovel, and hose and that everything is in order.

Really? What a waste of time and resources!

If these people are really so concerned, why don’t they stop and check in with me themselves? Why do they feel the need to call the authorities, or even get involved at all? I could understand if my house was on fire, and of course then I would appreciate the call. But when I am clearly just burning a pile of brush?

I could list many other examples, almost all cases where neighbors talking to neighbors rather than neighbors calling the authorities on neighbors would be the best solution.

For example, not long ago another commenter (Liz, I think?) shared a story of a neighbor who called the police when they noticed the neighbor’s tween-age boy (12, if I recall correctly) was home from school but his parents were not. The boy was calmly playing basketball IN HIS OWN DRIVEWAY waiting patiently for his parents, who were minutes away. Instead of the neighbor just asking the kid if he was OK, or if he needed to use the phone to call his parents, they called 911. And the family lost custody of their son, and spent months caught up in the CPS system trying to get him back. Really?  Because they were stuck in traffic and 15 minutes late?

When and how did America become this? What are the implications to the concepts of freedom and liberty that we supposedly hold so dear?

Please share your thoughts in the comments.

 

Parenting Red Pill Kids

Tags

abundance, discipline, Gen X, growing up, healthy adult, helicopter parenting, maturity, millennials, modern parenting, parenting, red pill, rites of passage, SAHM, self reliance, single parenting, stay at home mom, working mom

In a post a few days back about a real life red pill conversation I had with a gentleman in his 60s, I didn’t include a story he told me then that I think really illustrates how much things have changed when it comes to parenting and raising kids in the United States today.

He told the story of helping out a local farmer every summer as a kid. He’d go in the morning, starting at 10 years old, and spend the day with the neighbor. The tasks were age appropriate, for example at 10 he would ride along on the hay baling machine and jump on and off to open and shut gates, and do various other small tasks a child can easily do but that are very helpful to getting the overall job at hand done in a timely manner (if the driver is hopping up and down opening and shutting gates all day, well it slows things down versus little Jake riding alongside, spending the day outdoors, watching older boys and men work, and learning to be useful.)

As he grew, he took on more tasks. Tasks he had watched the older boys get to do with envy before. (Buck hay bales! Run equipment! Drive the tractor!) They became rites of passage, tangible signs that he was growing up. Mastering them was a privilege, not a chore.

For his help,  Jake would get $2 a day. Now this was likely sometime in the 50s, so that wasn’t such a bad wage back then, he says, and by the end of the summer he could have $100 saved up. What did he spend it on? School clothes. Such an idea today may seem unthinkable — making a child earn and buy their own school clothes? God forbid! That’s borderline abuse! But Jake didn’t see it that way, in fact his eyes twinkled as the memory came back to him of being a kid, flipping through the Sears and Roebuck catalog, and picking out “his” school clothes.

As he put it, “I could buy way better looking school clothes than my parents would buy that way, and I got to pick them out myself,” he said with obvious pride.

Jake grew up, served in the military, married, ran a small business, raised a family of his own. He’s comfortably retired now (No pension or retirement plan either mind you, he saved that out of his self employed, self created earnings!) in his mid 60s, a self made man with a loving wife and self sufficient, well adjusted kids, respect in his community, and few worries. Jake has had and lived a successful life — in many ways he embodies, “The American Dream.”

Contrast this with recent a tale from another family, this from customers in their mid 40s, a very, very nice couple, childhood sweethearts, with two teenage boys, 18 and 16. As we talked about their oldest preparing to start college next year, I said how proud they must be of him. Uncomfortable silence followed.

“Yeah, we’ve got good kids…” they said, not finishing the sentence. I sensed there was something more. So I gently probed. Was he in trouble? Acting out?

“No,” they said. In their minds it was almost worse — their son started collecting Pokeman cards as a child, and still to this day it is still one of his core activities. Their younger son, 16, doesn’t want to even get his driver’s license. They aren’t sure why their kids are so passive, so reliant on them, so perfectly OK with NOT growing up. (No offense to any Pokeman collectors, please don’t take this personal.)

As we talked it dawned on me — unlike generations before, unlike Jake, these kids had grown up in a protective parenting bubble. There is in fact actually a movement to bring back that unsupervised, just kids, roaming around outside and engaged in imaginary play, playtime. Apparently it is much more important to normal human development than anyone realized.

The mother shared of how she was always there for her boys, how when they played outside she watched them, how when they need to go somewhere she took them, how they had very little unsupervised time, how when they needed or wanted something (within reason) their parents supplied it. They were “good parents” by almost anyone’s definition.

The mom mentioned a neighbor lady who basically shoos her boys out in the morning, and spends her day cleaning house and cooking while the boys play. Unsupervised!?! Outside!?! It seems almost shocking by today’s parenting norms. Yet, this mom wondered out loud if…maybe she should have done more of that?

I mentioned how different childhood may have been for us compared to today, as Gen X kids, and asked if either of them had been latchkey kids, like myself. Sure enough, the father said he had, and that he wanted more for his kids. He and his wife worked hard and lived carefully to ensure she could be at home while their kids were growing up. And these are good people, good parents, I believe they had the best of intentions and were doing what the society at large said was, “the better way.” But now, they fully admitted, they think their kindness has crippled their kids, and they aren’t sure if it is too late or if not, what to do now? I could feel their pain, they want their kids to be happy, healthy, and whole. That’s all they have ever wanted. They don’t know where things went wrong.

It’s a common parenting reaction to one’s own lack, to go 360 degrees the other way, but I would urge the middle is a better place to aim to correct for what one considers their parent’s parenting mistakes of the past. Maybe they were too harsh, to easy, too whatever.  The gut reaction is to either do the same, or to do the opposite. I’d argue the middle is usually better than the extremes of either end.

Jake and I marveled at how today what he did would not even be possible, except on the sly. Farmers can no longer hire local children under 16 to help out. And if they hire children 16 or older, they can only do so if they can pay them minimum wage. Today, it would be much more likely that a farmer would hire migrant farm workers, than a kid like Jake.

Is all this really  progress? Is it good? Or have we lost something we may need to get back? Let me know what you think in the comments!

(Note: I also know people who are Jake’s age who worked on farms as children except unlike his experience, the kids were expected to do too much, the labor was too hard, the tasks above what they truly were developmentally ready to do. This approach, as far as I can see, backfires, and is not good, does not seem to instill the same self reliant work ethic Jake has. So again, the middle is the often the sweet spot.)

 

 

 

 

Who’s to Blame for the Mess Today?

Tags

battle of the sexes, blue pill, break ups, divorce, feminimity, feminism, gender, marriage, patriarchy, red pill, relationships, sexism

The title of a post at another red pill blog reminded me of something I have been meaning to write about for awhile, my thoughts on who is to blame for the mess we find ourselves in today. The blog post above is not about the topic I am about to discuss, but is a worthy read in its own right.

If you were to ask the question, “Who’s to blame for the mess today?” (and by mess, I mean the mess between men and women, relationships, divorce, failed relationships, people having a hard time getting or saying married, etc.) to the average Jane on the street, she’d likely say some version of “Men are!” or “The patriarchy!” or some such.

But are men really behind the backwards and upside down dating and marriage marketplace we face today?

I’d argue no. I’d say women are.

Now there may have been some Machiavellian men involved in the start of the sexual revolution, feminism, no fault divorce, the destruction of generations of social and moral norms that while not perfect worked for the most part — but largely it was women themselves, and more specifically women who came of age during the late 60s and early 70s (my mother’s generation) who I feel are truly to blame.

Perhaps it started before them, by the whisperings and urgings of the female generation before, but somewhere in all that the wheels started coming off the cart when older women started to encourage younger women to rebel against and then reject their traditional gender roles rather than to encourage them to be good, honest, chaste, and upstanding young women headed toward marriage and motherhood.

Women created the situation we find ourselves in by encouraging a “go guuuurl” style culture where young women (including myself) were taught from a very young age to reject the roles of wife and mother for as long as possible or even entirely, mistrust men, and to instead adopt the false Goddess idol of the “single independent woman” instead. At the same time these elder women worked to dismantle as many of the social norms as they could that had previously restrained women from acting upon their basest natures (hypergamy and solopism).

These women taught their youngers that red was blue and blue was green, that being a devoted wife and mother was akin to wasting one’s life and that to embrace some party girl, casual sex, be your own boss, live for yourself and the moment lifestyle was “freedom” and “progress.”

In my opinion, it was an incredibly selfish and destructive sophistic thing for these elder women to do, misleading the young down a path that would lead them to pain, confusion, disease, heartbreak, loneliness, broken families, broken lives, and an unbridled unapologetic, selfish worship of “me“, among other things.

It was especially harmful because women are greatly influenced by group thinking by our very natures. Because of this, women can easily be manipulated and mislead.

As I approach the age where I transition away from being a young (reproductive age) woman and toward the next phase, being a matriarch (post-baby making age), I feel the pull stronger and stronger to try my best to turn the tide, to counsel young women (including and especially my own daughters) against the “new ways” and back toward the tried and true path women followed before. Perhaps a more constrained path, a less exciting path, but a far more stable, safe, and solid path for them, their future children, and society as a whole. I believe this is what I am (and other women my age are) called to do in the next phase of my life — build up the next generation of women, support them, encourage them, guide them.

To those younger than me: Be a good woman. Develop your traditional skill set. Resist the urge to put yourself in the center and put your family and community there instead. Revel in your feminine nature, nurture others, be loving, kind, and true. These are your strengths and gifts as a female, as a woman.

I am not saying women should forgo education or being a productive member of society, not work. I am not advocating women accept abuse, oppression, or second class status. Don’t believe the lie that it is either this or that…. that the traditional path will only and always lead you backwards.

Forget the “new ways.” They don’t work. I have tried, I have watched others try, I have seen the results, it is a broken script, a failed social experiment. Beware! It will seem to work in your 20s and 30s but like a house of cards it collapses and reveals it was an empty shell all along. By the time that becomes obvious, and you have second thoughts, it could be too late to correct your path.

Let those who have ears hear.

What do you think? Did women let women down?

Real Life Red Pill Moment

Tags

feminism, patriarchy, red pill, sexual revolt, Trump, white male privilege

Sometimes I wonder if people in the “real world” ever think about these same things we discuss here in red pill forums.

Well today I got my answer while talking to a longtime customer and volunteer for my farm biz, who is in his mid-60s (I am guessing), was a soldier in Vietnam, and then owned and operated his own metal fabrication business for most of his life before he retired.

He had come to talk about a metal sign he is going to make for my biz. Then, and I don’t even know what brought it up, we got to talking about how much things have changed over his lifetime.

He was a young man when massive social changes we are still grappling with today took place, perhaps a few years but not much older than those who spearheaded the sexual revolution, feminism, and the flower child movement.

He’s about as close to a real life example of “The Patriarchy” as you’ll find: white, male, middle class.

He likes hot rods and has a pristine candy apple red one in every class: pickup, sport car,  convertible, and road bike.  He’s extremely kind, loves animals, and is always willing to lend a hand. When he does, he always works twice as hard as anyone else, and he smiles and jokes while he does it. He’s the epitome of the “good guy.”

He and his wife have been married for life and as far as I can see (without living with them in their home) they are very happy together and still enjoy each other’s company even after many years together. If they weren’t happily married I am pretty sure I’d be able to feel that, but instead I feel much love, respect, and joy between them. They are one of those couples that listen carefully and with anticipation when their other half talks, and they beam at each other with affection. (So cute!!!)

I think he was taken off guard by my openness to him expressing what he had to say. How he felt about being a white male in America today. How many times his company had the lowest bid, but was still passed over so the contract could go to a minority. How he felt frustrated that it was OK for people to say almost anything anymore — except — if they had his value system or his beliefs. How it felt to go from the “typical American man” to the embodiment of “the problem.” (To which I said, “Actually, men like you built this country!” He perked up with pride at that.)

He also talked about how concerned he was over the state of things in our country, how the America he loved (where folks were self-reliant, self governed, knew what the right thing to do was and actually did it, worked hard, had dreams, got ahead, etc.) was slipping away and being replaced by something much less. He expressed his concerns about the economy, jobs being outsourced, political parties that seemed to represent their own interests over those of the people, how money runs the country now, how so few Americans seemed to notice or even care.

I sat and listened to all he had to say, all of it very insightful and not unlike the things typically discussed around the manosphere, and it occurred to me — we were having a totally not-ok, not socially approved, not safe space friendly, uncensored, not PC discussion. We laughed even, realizing how “not OK” it was to talk of such subjects!

And it was refreshing as all get out! By golly, I think it may have even made his day. I could tell he hated to have to wrap it up and head out. And I was honored that he had opened up to me, that I had been able to give him a safe space to voice his inner thoughts in a world where it’s not so safe for him to do so anymore.

I wonder how many other people secretly see that the Emperor has no clothes, and they are just quietly doing their best to get along and go along with a world that makes no sense sometimes. Maybe, just maybe, there are a lot more than we may know!

(As an aside, and not to get political but: He votes. And he’s says he’s voting for Trump. He said as far as he can see, Trump is the only one who has the guts or the ability to take on the status quo and put the power back in the hands of the people. And he said it would not be a moment too soon, before the country he loves, fought for, watched his friends die for, goes so far down this road it’s on that there is going to be no going back. No more America as we know (or knew) it. But he did joke that perhaps Trump could use some “finishing school.”)

And then I saw the cover of the Feb. 2016 “New Yorker,” and I wondered if they hadn’t gotten it completely all wrong? Would the dead presidents perhaps be wildly cheering, instead?

 

 

Women and Weight: The Red Pill Reality

Tags

attraction, attractiveness, fat acceptance, fat and fit, health, obesity, red pill, weight, weight gain, weight loss

In this post I am going to talk about a rather touchy topic, women and weight and the effect excess weight has on female attractiveness and a gal’s smp/mmp value.

I have always weighed heavier than I look, and I can put weight on around the middle (rather than in my hips, buns, or thighs) thanks to my partial German heritage. My mom was always on some crazy fad diet or another when I was growing up, and I watched her yo-yo between being overweight, ideal weight, and then as soon as she reached her goal right back on her way to the weight she was before.

So I decided back then I wasn’t going to be a “dieter” but instead to be a “moderator.” I eat in moderation, and for the most part that has worked for me. I usually hover about 15-20 pounds heavier than body weight charts would recommend for my height.

So while I have never been vastly overweight, I didn’t realize myself how those 15-20 pounds were making a difference in my attractiveness until after a bad break up when I dropped 20-30 pounds nearly overnight from stress, shock, and grief. I thought I looked like a skeleton, and was actually pretty self conscious of it but everywhere I went, people who didn’t know what had happened in my personal life would exclaim, “OMG!!! You look FANTASTIC!” (I was hoping we would reconcile so I wasn’t really talking about the break up hoping it was just temporary, which is why many people who only know me on a acquaintance basis didn’t realize the cause of my sudden weight loss.)

I actually had to go out and buy new pants because the ones I had literally would not stay up. I was once again wearing the same size jeans as I did in high school! Something that had not happened in 20 years.

Suddenly, men noticed me like crazy! I have always gotten my fair share of male attention, but it was suddenly OFF THE CHARTS. Of course in my heartbroken state I was not in the mood to date, so I didn’t take advantage of the situation at the time. Such is life! (Photos from that time reveal, I did look a lot better even if I didn’t feel it!)

Anyway, what I am saying is had I not experienced it myself, I never would have realized how much of a difference even 20 pounds of extra padding was making, much less 40, or 60, or more. So this is shared from personal experience, and what I am saying is not meant to shame anyone, but to reveal a red pill truth: weight matters to men. A lot.

This chart from thereulesrevisited.com showed it pretty clearly, of the controllable factors of female attractiveness, weight is by large the biggest factor one can actually do something about, followed closely by hairstyle, make up, posture, and fit of clothes. (I hope the author won’t mind me reposting it here:)

So what this shows, and based on what I experienced firsthand, I would say the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT factor a women can and should control to make herself attractive to the opposite sex (either when looking for a mate or when with a mate she wants to KEEP attracted) is to lose excess weight/avoid weight gain.

In my writing career I have done a lot of writing about weight, health, and the health risks associated with excess weight. So while the fat acceptance and “fit but fat” folks want to not talk about this, the reality is when it comes to your health, weight is again the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT factor you can control to reduce your risk of many of the weight-related health issues that are the leading causes of death in the United States today: diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, metabolic syndrome, and even some cancers. So if you don’t care about it from an attractiveness standpoint, you should care about it from a health standpoint.

To make matters worse, the female body is actually DESIGNED to gain weight after puberty. Yep, it’s true! You see in the not so distant past, women who were within childbearing age needed to build up excess reserves between pregnancies as a hedge against famine. Pregnancy and even more so nursing take a lot of excess calories! So even though it is uncommon for a woman to have a child every other year or so throughout her adult life anymore, our bodies are still programmed to act like that is the plan.

In both my pregnancies I was lucky in that despite eating a healthy diet including a daily splurge of a hot fudge sundae, I had a hard time putting on weight. To the point that my doctor actually ordered the daily sundae. See I was eating very healthfully, better than I ever had otherwise, because I was wanting to build the healthiest baby possible! So I naturally changed my diet to be heavy on the fruits and veggies, light on the junk food, heavy on the healthy nutritionally dense stuff (also usually low calorie!) So when I delivered I was both times back to my pre-pregnancy weight within weeks. (I know this is not always the case, which brings me to this next part…)

After the baby arrives, and especially historically, then comes the breast feeding. And believe it or not, breast feeding burns A LOT of calories. Up to 500 a day! Imagine, the equivalent of nearly four hours working out, burned sitting on the couch snuggled up with your babe! I hope this is not TMI but I nursed both my kids until they were toddlers, not because I was particularly set on nursing, but I found my kids enjoyed it so I simply couldn’t see any reason not to. It saved a lot of money on formula and bottles and such, was exactly what their rapidly growing bodies and brains needed, and once I got past the first three months (when most women give it up because it is like having a baby bird, nursing every two hours or so, and honestly it can be claustrophobic and prevent you from getting much else done. However your body needs rest, and your baby needs bonding, so really it is as nature intended.) the kids nursed much less frequently and it was a lot more bearable. Convenient even. I worked from home, so it was easy for me to stop and nurse vs. trying to pump and all of that which from what I have seen friends go thru, can be a real trial. (Another good argument for planning ahead so you can stay home with baby rather than work. Save childcare, save money, be there for your baby and give them the nurturing that will set them up to become a future secure and healthy adult.)

To my surprise around month six I really started to see the positive side effect of nursing — I could eat like a teenage boy and hardly keep the weight on. I nicknamed my oldest “the human lipo machine” because she literally sucked out my fat stores, even the stubborn areas that would not budge before! I could literally eat WHATEVER I WANTED and not gain! It was fantastic, I love food, and so no lie I did not deny myself! (I miss it, actually.) Both kids naturally gave nursing up on their own in the toddler years, despite my sometimes worrying they would never do so! (People in my life advised me to “cut them off” but I didn’t, and we just let it run its natural course.)

Sure enough, once the nursing stopped, the weight slowly but surely started to creep back on, even with me watching what I ate. Boo! The break-up weight loss didn’t last either, and I gradually regained the 20 lost, which I am now in the process of working to take back off.

This brings me to an important point — if you want to lose weight, the WORST thing you can do is to go on some crazy fad or super restrictive diet. Doing so will only trigger your body’s primitive “starvation response” which will shut your metabolism down and make your body hoard fat stores like Fort Knox. Instead, you should follow a high protein, low calorie, high bulk plan like this one. When you are “dieting” correctly, you should actually literally have a hard time eating all that food and not experience hunger!

Hint: Because these plans have a very unrealistic (and wasteful) shopping list, I will try to repeat meals for several days in a row so that for example, you don’t use eat a cup of watermelon during the week and waste the rest, you have it at breakfast all week long, then switch things up the next week.)

In short, controlling your weight or losing excess weight healthfully is the single best thing you can do for BOTH your attractiveness and your health.

What your “most attractive and healthiest” weight will be depends on your personal situation. Some women really do look better and can carry off a little extra weight (mostly those with an hourglass figure like Anna Nicole Smith. Compare:

 

Although I would bet Anna was living a pretty unhealthy lifestyle too in the second pic, so perhaps it’s not a fair comparison, but I think she looks much better in the first image.

A controversial Facebook project called “The Harpoon Project” shows with the power of Photoshop how for the most part, like it or not, most women DON’T look better with excess weight, even Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models. Compare:

Image via Project Harpoon.

Ok, well that’s about all I can say about this. What do you think? Please share your thoughts in the comments!

Set Yourself Up to Win

Tags

abundance, attraction, bad boys, battle of the sexes, break ups, commitment, courtship, dating, fat acceptance, love, marriage, online dating, red pill, relationships, romance

A conversation with my oldest daughter about how she can “set herself up to win” at school by changing a few habits that are currently working against her got me thinking, we could all probably examine our lives and ask ourselves, “Am I setting myself up to win?”

So often, we get out of life what we put in. If we aren’t getting the results we want, it’s often because we’re not (actually) taking the steps needed to get there. Wanting something and taking the action needed to get there are indeed two different things!

Someone complaining about there “not being any good men out there” might want to reconsider her approach of meeting men primarily in nightclubs and other pick up venues, for example.

Another person who isn’t getting the response they were hoping for via online dating could stop clinging to the attitude of “if I have to lose weight to attract a man, then I don’t want one!” and realize that most things worth having take effort and work. She likely doesn’t want an overweight and unattractive man herself, so why would she think a man would be willing to overlook the same? (Remembers ladies: Female attractiveness is highly controllable.)

The gal who meets great guys only to have the relationships fizzle out with time might want to be truly honest with herself and examine if there are things she is doing that make her less appealing over the long haul (does she have a difficult personality, an entitlement attitude, unattractive lifestyle or personal habits that she could work on eliminating, etc.)

The gal with a long requirements list of what “any man who gets my hand” needs to do and be, but doesn’t have an equally long list of what she brings to the relationship herself, may want to shift the focus from what she’ll “get” to what she’ll “give.”

The person who complains, complains, complains about what’s lacking in her life but is taking absolutely zero steps to change any of the things she’s complaining about may want to ask herself, “How’s that working for you?”

Or in other words one can’t show up to life without their homework, with no pencil and paper, ignore the helpful advice of teachers and other advisors, not listen to what the assignment requirements actually are (not what they wish they were or think they should be), wait until the day before the term ends to ask about making up for missing assignments, and expect to get an “A” just because they showed up, kept the seat warm, and were “being themselves!”

Sure, it’s harder than blaming others or blaming circumstances. It takes effort to invest in self improvement and personal growth. It takes courage to do and be different. But victory goes to the bold, my friends! Set yourself up to win!

And when you feel discouraged or wonder if the effort is (or will be) worth it, remember, 80 percent of the people aren’t even trying. So by applying yourself, having a plan,  working your plan, and not giving up you are almost guaranteed success!

 

Can you think of examples where you have seen this concept in real life? Please share them in the comments below.