Target Your Audience

Tags

casual sex, dating, marriage, marriage material, one night stands, red pill, romance, sexy, sexy housewife

A recent post at another blog got me thinking about how so many young women today who say they want marriage and family may not be putting out the right message with their image.  It’s really important to know and target one’s audience.

Girls today are taught to be bold, fearless, sexy, hot, strong, independent, fun, fit, lean, and fierce. Many work hard to meet those goals, and post images of the results of their workouts for the world to see on social media. Sultry bikini model image? Check!

It seems to work, such images get lots of clicks and likes and comments which only reinforces to the girl she’s on the right track. Attention! So she posts more, and it becomes a self-affirming loop.

Except the Internet is forever, and let’s face it potential dates (and later their families) are going to later Google those same images. Nights out drinking with the girls. Sultry sexy barely clad shots. Sad breakup shot after sad breakup shot. Through the marriage lens, the fun time party girl is starting to look like a real train wreck…

A woman seeking marriage would be wiser to put out a completely different image — wholesome, chaste, domestic, nurturing, loves animals and children, does and says the right things, has it together, NOT a train wreck, someone you’d proudly bring home to meet mom (and not worry about what she’s going to wear, do, or say!) These are really the qualities a man is looking for in a wife, even if it seems like times have changed.

(And hopefully it goes w/o saying don’t just look it, do your best to BE and develop all those qualities. Your life will be happier and better, trust me! Pain is overrated.)

It’s ok to be a touch sexy, and every guy wants a gal who is a secret sex kitten behind closed doors, but a gal with an overly sexy image more likely catches the eye and gets approached by caddish guys looking to “hit it and forget it” than by the solid-but-steady type who would make a fine husband but thinks to himself, “Danger! Risk! Not worth it! Look but don’t touch.”

Target your audience ladies! And don’t forget, past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior — make sure your social media isn’t unintentionally sending the wrong signals. Future bar fly is not what men seek in a mate or the mother of their children. So keep it classy!

Put yourself in your audience’s shoes. How others perceive you, especially at first glance, can both work for or against your goals. Consciously make sure it’s working in your favor. Set yourself up to win.

What do you think about all this? Please feel free to share in the comments!

Take Some Time For Wonder

Something I have noticed is that life today seems to be jam packed with things to do, places to go, and people to see.

Every minute is booked or overbooked in most people’s schedules. Even with gadgets like online calendars it’s tough to keep track of everything.

My advice would be to make a little time for wonder. For walking around a lake, laying in the grass under a tree with a book, or simply watching the clouds roll by.

Such moments are like nourishment for a starving soul, and far too rare today. Quiet time for contemplation isn’t wasted time, it’s essential.

If you have children, encourage them to do so as well. Plan in downtime, so they learn not every minute needs to be filled with “something to do.”

If like me you were taught that every moment needed to be productive, try breaking free from that idea, and just “waste” some time now and then doing seemingly nothing.

Chances are (after you let go of the guilt) you’ll find life feels less frantic, your mind will stop spinning non-stop, and the rest of your hours will be more fruitful for taking some moments to simply relax, enjoy, and ponder.

Consider it busy life burnout prevention, if it helps.

What do you think? Do you find it hard to put life on pause? Please share in the comments.

Make Valentine’s Everyday

Happy Valentines Day! Wishing each and every one of you a wonderful day filled with things you love whether that’s pancakes, motorcycles, or sleeping in.

Once I heard a statistic that more couples fight on Valentine’s Day than any other. And I would believe it. There are lots of unrealistic expectations placed on this day, both by people as well as marketers, retailers, restaurants, chocolatiers, florists, and more.

Rather than pin all the love and romance on a single day, why not make everyday Valentines Day by showing love and kindness to those in your life as well as to yourself every day of the year?

Heart shaped pancakes might make a good start! That’s my plan anyway!

What do you think about Valentines Day? Please share in the comments!

Own It

Are you owning your life?

Its a deceptively easy question, yet one that can also strike to the core.  Many today would prefer to blame others or circumstance than take ownership for life being less than they want.

Sure, some are born into more wealth, or a more stable family, the right connections, or have more smarts. But even these people eventually have to pick up the ball of life and run with it, or not.

So if the life you want isn’t the life you have, own it. Look within and identify what YOU can do to bring the two as close together as possible.

Maybe some fixes are as easy as spending a few hours, others may be lifelong projects. But they will never materialize without you owning them and taking the steps necessary to manifest them.

Wishing isn’t doing.

Maybe you will have to change habits, step out of your comfort zone, do and be things you never have before. It might seem easier to just stay the course. But it’s not.

Maybe you need to give yourself permission to actually have a good life? Maybe somehow you are holding back or don’t believe it’s possible? Maybe somehow you picked up the message that the good life is for others?

The big secret is in most cases it’s entirely possible, but only if you own it. Only if you do it rather than simply dream it.

Sure there will be setbacks and struggles. Don’t read them as signs you are failing, read them as growing pains, teachable moments, and lessons learned.

In the end it’s your life. Your work of art. Your short span on this spinning ball. No matter what has happened up until now, the future is not yet written.

Own it! Make it yours. Make it a tale of triumph!

 

Bridge the Gap

Tags

dating, Finding the one, marriage, red pill, relationships

Tonight I was reading a blog post by a gal who is waiting for her devinely appointed other half to find her.

She seems like a genuinely great gal, has her head on straight, shows many signs of good wifely character. She’s attractive and well dressed. The images she posts of her home show a lovely tidy space. And she’s home on weekends with candles and a book rather than hitting all the party spots.

And yet I found myself thinking maybe she’s being a little bit passive about this. Especially as the third decade nears. Trust me, I do believe in the Devine, but I also believe God helps those who help themselves.

Gals today may not realize it yet, but thanks to lots of reasons, many men today aren’t even seeking marriage. By 30-some they have either seen too many marriages not work out, their own marriage didn’t work out, they have been burned by too many gals passing them over for the chance at a bigger fish, or they are that bigger fish and are too busy and too used to playing the game to settle down.

All this boils down to a gal understanding that she may need to bridge the gap. Let friends and family know she’s looking, make herself available at locations where marriage minded type guys might be, and to be friendly and open to guys who approach. And very key, instead of looking for reasons to rule guys out, she should start to look for the good things about the guys she does meet. Reasons to rule him in.

At the same time when she does meet a guy, she should be clear she’s marriage minded not just dating to date, conciously be displaying marriage qualities, wife qualities, how she potentially adds value. Don’t be one of those gals with lots of attitude and a “perfect guy” list of all he will do for HER a mile long.

From what I see, this gal would make a good candidate. I hope she still seeks heavenly guidance first and foremost, but also gets a bit more proactive in her search.

I’d link to her blog but I think better to not. That way it keeps the discussion general rather than about this particular gal herself.

What do you think? What advice would you give to a gal seeking marriage today? What’s a good game plan, if any? Please feel free to share in the comments!

A Life Well Lived

Tags

family, life, marriage, red pill, relationships, stability, success

The other day I was talking with a couple about to celebrate their 55th wedding anniversary. I didn’t ask their ages but he mentioned being born in 1939, although I would have never guessed it.

They are both fit and spry, more so than many people 15 or 20 or even more their junior. They look healthy, like they have eaten well, not overdone anything, and taken good care of themselves consistently.

They speak fondly to and of each other, and their children and grandchildren. It’s clear they are actively a part of their family’s lives and visit or meet up often even though the kids live across the country.

Both former schoolteachers, they say they never had a lot but the wife proudly said how her husband steadily put a little away all along and that has lasted for 20 years in retirement, likely along with teacher’s pensions. They talk of world travels taken through community ed programs and meeting up with all the clan yearly in Hawaii.

For their anniversary they are going on a six-week trip to the Caribbean, part cruise and part land. Even though she’s already tiny she mentioned she’s dieting, as she wants to look good by the pool. (So cute!)

They are both well dressed and well groomed in a solid but not flashy way. It’s clear despite their age they still take pride in their appearance and looking their best.

I found myself thinking they were a good example of a life well lived. They had invested in themselves, each other, their children, and their community. Small but steady good choices that have all added up.

I have no doubt they have endured struggles, but at the same time it’s clear the good has far outweighed the bad. It sure looked good compared to what’s happening today.

Wise choices, frugality, healthy living, moderation, and deep bonds may seem “boring” to some, but I personally think their story is a beautiful one. I’d love a family and life like that. Simple and true.

I wondered if such a life is now a thing of the past or if it’s still possible even in today’s day and age?

What do you think equals a life well lived? Please share in the comments!

Normal is the New Normal

Tags

parenting, pre-teens, red pill, teens, tweens

This is the phrase of the week in my home. Written on the fridge in dry erase marker and everything. The kiddos have been put on notice.

The world may be coming undone but normal is the new normal in my home. I have decided it just makes sense.

Actually things are far from normal but we are going to aim for it. I figure even 80 percent is a win. After all, I have a little and two pre-teens (one, not mine, who made some really bad choices this weekend and is in super big time out for sneaking out w a friend in the middle of the night while supposedly on a sleep over at her big sister’s) and no time to waste setting the expectation bar.

I may not be ready for it but that doesn’t change the reality that it’s a whole new (teen) era and I am now a mom of two and a life coach and drill Sargent all in one for mine plus one. It’s sink or swim. Four (and some change) critical years lie ahead for the older ones, and little is watching and learning. No time to waste. Red pill time. I will not lose them on my watch.

What do you think of normal being the new normal as a family goal? Please share in the comments.

p.s. Feel free to add potential future phrases of the week for consideration in the comments as well. Seriously under consideration for next week is, “Adapt or die” (said w a wink but also THE look. Gotta keep ’em guessing!)

 

Being Up in a Down World

Tags

advice, economy, life, negativity, positive thinking, red pill, social unrest, world issues, world problems

Something I have been thinking a lot about lately is how to stay up when there is so much “down” in the world.

Perhaps in youth I just didn’t notice it, or maybe things really are getting a lot worse. But either way I have been really struggling to stay positive as I feel increasingly surrounded by bad news, downward trends, and growing negativity.

In my own personal world, things are going better now than a year ago, or two years ago, or even five years ago. Not that I am without trials and struggles, but overall compared to a few years ago I am personally living much less on the edge.  Thank Goodness.

Perhaps that is the solution — to focus on the micro level. Me and mine. Here and now. The moment. Because when I look out into the world, the bigger picture, things seem increasingly precarious.

There’s little I can do to control that bigger picture, so I struggle to figure out how much attention to pay all of that. If any attention at all. And yet to be oblivious also seems unwise.

And then there is the chatter. All the information that may or may not be true, real or not, harmless or a threat. It’s increasingly difficult to know who or what sources to believe anymore when every side seems to be yelling, “danger, danger, danger!”

I think all this weighs especially heavy on me as an empath type person. I literally can absorb other people’s emotional state, feeling it as if it were my own. I stopped watching televised news, or even online news for that very reason. It’s too disturbing. I prefer to read my news. And even then, it can get to me.

Anyway I don’t have the solution so in this case I ask you as the reader, what do you do to stay up in a down world? How do you keep the trials and tribulations of the outer world from draining energy needlessly from your inner one? How much do you let that in? What do you do to keep it out? How do you stay informed without that information becoming overwhelming, or downright paralyzing?

Please feel free to share in the comments your best tips for staying sane in an insane world. I appreciate it!

 

 

 

Choose to Follow

Tags

dating, leadership, marriage, red pill, relationship dynamics, relatonships, submission

It’s a controversial topic, submission, but one worth talking about more often because it’s so misunderstood.

When many people hear the word submission today, they often think oppression or abuse. But in reality it’s anything but.

True submission is a CHOICE, not something imposed or forced upon anyone. It’s the choice to follow, not lead.

And it’s not just a female-male thing. Men actually submit to recognizing a hierarchy and following the recognized leader all the time. In the military or at work, for example. Even in casual situations, an AMOG (Alpha man of the group) surfaces and the men all seem to intuitively know where they fit in the order. When they don’t, bad things can happen and AMOG may be established with posturing or even by physical force. Bar fights are an easy example of this.

Women are the ones who seem to struggle with the concept more. Women’s minds seem to function more in a “let’s all be on the same level and all have an equal say” way. This likely comes from a biological place, as in ancient times women most likely lived in villages with the young and the old and other women and things were always a collaboration/negotiation. This approach can be a strength, but not when it comes to recognizing leadership.

I have countless times observed women in a work setting, for example, not getting in step with or openly subverting their team leader or manager rather than recognizing who the leader is and choosing to follow direction. It can cause lots of problems when this happens.

The same can be said in a family. When there is no clear leader, there can be much chaos. The women I know who struggle most or are least happy in their marriages are often also fighting to have equal say or more often to be calling the shots.

If you had asked me in my youth, when I was blue pill, I likely would have argued that marriage should be 50/50 and all should have a say and so on. I believed that in my own marriage and many times actively went against my now ex-husband in decisions on finances or other matters. And you know what? Looking back I can see he was right and had I listened we (and I) would have been ahead had I gone along rather than fought for my own way. There were many cringeworthy moments.

For example, at one job I got 1000 stock options for $1 each. At one point they were worth over $100 each. My husband advised I cash out. I refused, believing it would go higher. Within a week they were at $45 a share. He advised I sell, as it was dropping fast. I refused. I held those darn options right down to $4 a share. To his credit he never rubbed that in my face. But how I wish I had just listened, chosen to follow. It was foolish pride on my part. I would have been far better off to listen.  (Eventually after my divorce I sold them for around $12 a share. Later they finally went to up to $45 again. Sigh. But anyway…)

The above is just one example, but I have learned. In my current relationship I refuse to fight for the lead. I choose to follow. I choose someone I knew I could safely follow. He’s a good man and he’s made a lifetime of good choices.  I trust his opinion and advice. I am smart but he’s much smarter. I recognize this and see going with it is in my advantage. He’s not forcing me to, in fact he’s always willing to hear me out, and still I am choosing to cede the lead. It’s working out really well. It’s by far the least drama relationship I’ve ever had, and I like it.

In short, choosing to follow can be a good thing and fighting the lead can be costly. It’s a mistake only YOU can choose not to make.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

Another Kiddo Tale

Comments in yesterday’s post brought up the topic of kids needing parents just as much in the tween and teen years as the ones before. A story about the 13-year-old daughter of a co-worker is an excellent example.

The family lives in a neighborhood in town. Dad works, mom is SAH. Four kids, two grown, one boy younger than the 13-year-old by 5 years. The daughter had friends in the neighborhood she regularly hung out with so mom didn’t think much of it when she asked to go to her friend’s house a few streets over.

Luckily after a few days the friend’s conscience got the better of her, and she told her mom the girl had actually gone to meet a supposed 17-year-old boy she had met on snap chat. The girl met him at a dead end road, got in his car, and the two made out. Mind you this was a complete stranger she had only met online a few hours before!

Luckily things did not go as badly as they could have, the girl easily could have never been seen again. When confronted she wasn’t sorry she had done it, only that she had been caught.

Mom hid the incident from dad, as she usually does. Instead of allowing dad to serve as protector, mom “shielded” her daughter from that and handled the punishment herself, some combo of losing the cell phone and being grounded.

Not long later the daughter (14 now) started attending the conservative Amish-like church in our area because she was interested in a boy who attended there.

They would meet in town unsupervised “to go to McDonalds” or some such and her mom thought it was all on the up and up until the boy’s mother called one evening to reveal she had read her sons text messages and discovered the two were sexually active.

The boy’s mother offered to “make it right” by considering the two betrothed and having them marry in a few years. The boy’s mother suggested a meeting of the fathers to discuss it.

Again the mom declined, hid the information from the dad, and the boy’s parents forced him to break off the relationship.

The girl no longer attends the church and is embarrassed because “everybody knows” and avoids her now.

Later, the girl’s mom learned this boy had not been her daughter’s first sexual partner. Somehow she had concealed the other relationship from her mom entirely.

The mom responded by figuring it’s just going to happen, so she took her daughter to get an IUD and has pretty much given up on trying to keep track of her whereabouts. The girl is increasingly defiant and continues down this path.

While some of the details are unique, it’s probably not such an atypical example of what pre-teens/teens might be doing with unsupervised idle time.

Commenters were right to say that just because kids of this age can be more independent, that doesn’t mean that parents can check out or be hands off.

Perhaps what this girl needed was more parental involvement, more structured activities, parents who were working together to keep her from making bad choices, and a more transparent relationship with her dad?

What do you think? Please share in the comments.